All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
