it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
