At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
