i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
