Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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