im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
