Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
