i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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