Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
