I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
