please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
