Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
