one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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