We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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