my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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