If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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