Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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