why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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