we're blogging at a bar
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
