you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're so nebulous sometimes
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
