i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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