do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
