At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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