you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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