Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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