i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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