put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
