I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize