Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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