i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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