You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
