remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
