so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry about my life...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
