Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
