he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The air was thick with penises
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
