if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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