just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
