erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
