you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
