When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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