ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Where is the hickey?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
