Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
