So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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