i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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