Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
