I think im going to throw up on grandma
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
