I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
