i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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