he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Found your dick twin last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
