Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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