She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
