so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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