You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
