His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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