I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
