tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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