Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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