Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
