the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
