my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
