I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
