The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
