I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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