So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
