My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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