if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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