and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
